There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
I need to align my fucking chakras
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Randomize
