I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
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