There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
