dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Randomize
