A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Randomize
