I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
