Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
