im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
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