Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Randomize
