So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
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