my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
