Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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