Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
