you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Randomize
