I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Randomize
