Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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