You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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