Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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