Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Randomize
