I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
