just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
