I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Randomize
