You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
