No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
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