You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
