Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
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