I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I still have a little drunk in my system
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
