whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize