Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
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