i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
