I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Randomize
