The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
