put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Randomize