I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
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