im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
