you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
