sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Randomize
