i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
