i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Randomize
