so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
