at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Randomize
