My nipple is on Facebook.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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