Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
