dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
This baby is an asshole
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
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