I could have mohawked her pubes.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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