Please don't use social media to get back at me.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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