The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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