Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Randomize
