Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
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