mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
