I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
Randomize