i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
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