Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
