Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
How does it feel to date your dad?
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
