Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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