Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Randomize
