So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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