shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
I think I just shit out all my problems.
I am mentally ready for anal.
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