Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
