Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Randomize
