so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Randomize
