She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Randomize
