K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
