Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
