I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
This can only be settled by a dance off.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
jump out the window naked night went bad
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
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