Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
