There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Randomize
