Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Randomize