So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
