I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
