Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Randomize