He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Randomize
