This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
