Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
I did not marry a roomba.
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