p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
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