Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
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