using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
