I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
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