Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Nicole vs. Life
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Randomize
