I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Then you guys just all showered together...?
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Randomize
