is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
I am midnight drunk by noon
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Randomize
