Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
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