I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Randomize
