I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Randomize
