remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
false alarm. still invincible.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Randomize
