i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
