I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
