something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
