I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
