I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize
