Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
We were destined to go to rehab together
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
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