I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
