New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
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