you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
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