so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
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