theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
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