Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Randomize
