i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
