seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
