And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Randomize
