dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
We had sex on a dog bed..
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
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