True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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