I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
