i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
