I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
When did angry sex become our thing?
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
