Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Randomize