Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Randomize
