Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Randomize
