Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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