so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
