hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
