it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
she smelled like a LAN party
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
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