your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Randomize