I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Did we literally take a cab across the street
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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