drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Randomize