In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
Randomize
