Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
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